离开的前一夜

Tuesday, September 11, 2012 |






在这儿的最后一个晚上了
明天就要上飞机 飞往那遥远的英国


已经有好几次 想说放弃不去 不离开这个美好的土地
可是话到嘴边就吞了回去 连开玩笑地说都不允许自己


有时候 自己都会想想
我哪里找来这么大的勇气
自己一个人 单独的前往那陌生的地方
单独的进入系统教育完全不同的大学
单独的在那个人生地不熟的地方生存


以前那个 连选大学都不愿意离家太远的小姐
失踪去哪儿了?


现在 是期待 是憧憬
却多少还是有些不舍 有些伤心


朋友 我反而没有那么伤感
毕竟现在科技这么发达
一个按钮 就可以联络上了
虽然没有面对面来的熟络
却也不至于失去音讯
本来都是各自有各自的生活
一阵子不见面 还是可以忍受的


是家是家人 才令人不舍
辛苦了累了都没有办法回来埋怨回来诉苦
饿了渴了 都没有办法伸手就有食物准备好
遇到什么麻烦什么困扰 都没有办法说背后有人撑着
什么问题 都要自己去解决自己去想办法
还要笑着告诉家里别担心 我很好


我什么都不怕
只怕想家


今年新年时 我就告诉自己
就这一件事 我一定要坚持去实行
因为害怕 我错过了好多 做错了好多决定
我不能再让自己的胆量 误了自己


我一直都坚信
这会是我人生难忘的经历
这会是我人生的一个重要的转折点
虽然现在还不知道会对我有什么改变
可是 我知道
不这么做 我十年后看回来
肯定会后悔 会遗憾


我不来自什么富裕的家庭
只是来自一个以教育为重的家庭
接下来的生活 省吃俭用
什么都要计算机算计算了


自己选择的路
就算跪着 也要走完它。


爱我的人们
请给我可以克服一切的勇气
请给我顺利走完这段路的毅力
请给我咬牙忍耐的顽固精神
请给我不顾一切豁出去的坚强
最重要的是 请给我让我知道我不是自己一个人的爱


----


将翱翔天空的翅膀
在风中寻寻觅觅
不管飞到多远的距离
我的心永远在这里



-----


谢谢所有精神上体力上物质上给予我支持的朋友
谢谢你们的礼物 谢谢你们的关心和牵挂
谢谢你们让我不孤独





Hard to say

Sunday, September 2, 2012 |



Taking a break from my freaking outdated updates of my outings, and coming back to what this blog was really created for : my feelings and thoughts.


When I first started blogging at 14, it was just for plain fun, and everyone else was doing it. Random articles and poems from the web, imagining my ownself as a poetic person with loads of rhyming sentences....


I changed from Windows Live to Wretch.cc, and finally settled with Blogger.


By the end of my secondary school years I stuck myself with this blog. I updated it loyally, about my life, recent events, random thoughts and opinions... even when I knew not much people were reading and many rarely cared. My only reason then was that I wanted people around me to know about my life, especially my friends, whom had started to drift apart as distance between us grew.


I wanted them to still know about me. And perhaps updates about me would serve as a topic between us when we did had the chance to meet up. My worst fear was always sitting in an awkward silence with a good friend and having nothing to talk about.


Now this reason is getting more and more important.


10 more days and I'm leaving to UK for my studies. Sounds even soon if I refer to it as next week.


Soon this blog will really be the pathway of communication between my friends and I. And compared to those years ago, there are so much more people involved now. So many more people I wish could know more about how I was and what I was going through. So many more people that make me reluctant to leave...


This short period of time has been the best few weeks of my life. I've enjoyed life to the fullest, I had fun, I met new people and I did so much stuff I would never ever had done before. Most importantly, I didn't take any of it for granted. Every moment was a blessing, and I savored every second.


Yet I still have so much stuff I wanted to do that I haven't done. I still have so much words I wanna say that I haven't said. I still have so many places I wanted to go that I haven't went to.


I wish I had just a few more weeks to be here.


I'm so glad I met those important people in my life. I'm so glad for being surrounded by loving and caring friends. I'm so glad for every change in my life that contributed into what I have now.


 This is going to be my life changing experience. But good byes are just too hard to say.



You know I'm strong, but I can't take that,
Shanay

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