Humpty Dumpty

Monday, August 17, 2009 |

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again

I'd use this nursery rhyme to describe my current situation.


I might not be falling yet, but someday I will. And by then, no one will be able to put me together again. The wall is just too high.


No one is on the same wall as me. They might be sitting on their own walls, higher or lower, but it'll never be my wall.


I'm just so so so tired. Mentally.


Yaw asked me once when was the most happiest time of my life. I'd like to change my answer now.


A few weeks before now, the last week of July 2009 was the happiest time in my whole life.


I had all the freedom I could ever imagine in those short seven days. No planning before, no consequences-thinking, no worrying and thinking about what would happen.


One word and I could be out having a lunch with my friends. One thought and we could be on a car going to visit another friend. One simply idea and we'd have a whole new plan for the day.


One short week felt like a whole month to me.


I miss those days...


And I hate my days now.


Not that I don't like my course, that I don't love the things I'm learning.


It's just that there's always a burden behind my back, pressing me down and down every step move. The wall is just getting higher and higher.


Maybe some day the wall will reach it's end. I welcome that day.



Provided I haven't fallen off it yet.

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